If there aren't these big, reliable, innate gender differences you're talking about, it MUST be that cultural factors account for more of the variance. You have lost this argument, on the merits." Even if we accept that most of the variance between men and women can be reduced to culture. That doesn't prove that the male academic deficit is because of ideas of innate differences between the sexes or male superiority. If you want an account of how male deficits in areas besides academia can be explained not by ideas of male superiority. But, by ideas of male inferiority, then read "The Myth of Male Power." by Dr. Warren Farrell. "If you still resist the facts, that raises very legitimate questions about your agenda. Fritz Perls on your taboo on discussing your mental state:
Fundamental theoretical errors are invariably characterological, the result of a neurotic failure of perception, feeling, or action. (This is obvious, for in any basic issue the evidence is, so to speak, “everywhere” and will be noticed unless one will not or cannot notice it.) A fundamental theoretical error is in an important sense given in the experience of the observer; he must in good faith make the erroneous judgment; and a merely “scientific” refutation by adducing contrary evidence is pointless, for he does not see what you see, it slips his mind, it seems irrelevant, he explains it away, etc. Then the only useful method of argument is to bring into the picture the total context of the problem, including the conditions of experiencing it, the social milieu and the personal “defenses” of the observer. That is, to subject the opinion and his holding of it to a gestalt-analysis. A basic error is not refuted—indeed, a strong error, as St. Thomas said, is better than a weak truth; it can be altered only by changing the conditions of raw experience.
I agree with your point and would like to add to it with another analogy. People say they essentially use religion as a tool to achieve happiness, charity, love or some other goal. A carpenter uses a hammer to build. The difference is a carpenter does not worship the tool he used to get the job done, and has enough confidence in himself to know that he is capable of getting the job done without that particular tool. In fact their are much better tools than a hammer which are at his disposal to use to do the job, and if they are more efficient then he will choose to use them. Their are much better tools available to achieve ones own goals in regards to morality but because the believer has no confidence in their own idea's they choose not to use these tools. It's sad really, and even dangerous.